I terrorize debt collectors with sarcasm and indifference
So, I’m a little behind on one of my Sallie Mae payments. No big though, cause I plan on paying it before the next one is due. However, the payment that I am behind on are those evil private student loans that I got suckered into at UCF.
Well, every day this week when I have left work and turned on my cell phone there has been a message from Sallie Mae about how I need to return their call in the next 24 hours, yada, yada.
I’m only two weeks late, so really the attention is flattering. And I am quite stoked that they have left me a number to call that does not go to India! I posted about the horrors of the India Sallie Mae call center experience I had on Sallie Mae FAIL. For those of you interested, reach a US-based Sallie Mae call center at 1-888-629-0189. They are apparently open 8am to 9pm in every time zone.
So, anyways, I thought I would give them a call yesterday. Initially I was going to ask to stop my payments, even though you have to pay $175 to get a forebearance on the private loans. But as I was waiting on hold I got annoyed by the fact that they had already charged me a $26 late fee and that I wasn’t even 30 days late and they were calling me daily. That is when I got a call center employee. Here’s a rough transcript of our conversation:
Sallie Mae rep: How may I help you today?
Me: I had some messages on my phone to call you guys, so here I am.
Sallie Mae rep: Okay, can I have you account number? And can you verify your mailing address.
Me: (I give acct. # and verify address)
Sallie Mae rep: Okay, I see that you are currently past due $326.88, would you like to make a payment today.
Me: No thanks.
Sallie Mae: Well, you are past due, when are you planning on making a payment?
Me: Well, my payroll department totally fucked up my paycheck this week**, and I was gonna pay it all tomorrow when I get paid but now I’m not sure. I might pay some of it.
Sallie Mae rep: I can take you payment over the phone and post date it for you so we can take care of it.
Me: No thanks.
Sallie Mae rep: If you do not pay the past due amount it can hurt your credit. I can set up that post-dated payment today.
Me: Yeah, I don’t really care about that. And besides I can pay it online myself when I’m ready.
Sallie Mae: Well, you will keep getting the daily calls until you pay the past due amount in full.
Me: Meh, I keep my phone off all day anyways, so it’s no big.
Sallie Mae: Okay then…well…. thanks for calling Sallie Mae.
It was actually kinda fun. I should have offered to send them a drawing of a spider.
And remember, to reach a Sallie Mae call center in the US, call 1-888-629-0189!
**My payroll department totally did screw up my paycheck. They reset all of my withholding tax info so that the maximum tax was withheld. Wankers.
4 comments
[...] Bumblefucked terrorize debt collectors with sarcasm! – I really love bloggers who post something personal and this story cracks me up. [...]
When a female debt collector calls, I verbally sexually molest her over the phone. When a male calls, I tell him to call me Sir. I say I am a man and he is nothing but a sniveling fagot. You can verbally beat the crap out of a debt collector and they can do NOTHING about it. They may threaten to call the police but they will not because the police will tell them to stop calling you.
You can take it a step further by calling the call center the collector is calling from. For each time they call you, you return ten calls. If a female answers, give her your name and ask her if he works there. Tell her he owes you money. Then while she is looking you up, you verbally molest her on the phone. If it is a guy, you just humiliate him, belittling him, calling him a fagot… you can also sexually humiliate him as well. Remember, they cannot do anything to you – and you can get your jollies off knowing you are the man in control.
I can understand it’s frustrating and think it’s kinda funny, though totally feckless, to call the center up and not go anywhere with the conversation- frankly they have all day and most don’t care a whole lot about wasting time on a cordial but useless conversation. That said, Goober sounds like pathetic creep. Nope, you are not the man in control, and the harder you try the more obvious it becomes.
You seem to forget something. I am unemployed. I have all day to vent my hate at SOMEONE. I choose the debt collector who calls my number looking for someone who had the number before me.
The debt collector gets paid by the money they collect. I just make sure I waste their time, chewing up their valuable time.
When I return calls to the debt collector’s phone, I can be the person I cannot be with anyone else – and they cannot do ANYTHING about it!
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