Category — bumblefucked miscellany

I was reading Family Too Fat to Work Wants More Money about an overweight family in the UK and it got me to thinking. They really pay people a disability payment in the UK just for being overweight?

Now that is the life! Bring on the cheesecake and fried chicken!

CNN is pimping an article titled Unusual — and legal — ways to make money. I took the bait and clicked on it.

I was disappointed to only see three “ways” to make the moolah. I’m always up for ways to make some extra cash but I was less than impressed with this short list.

1. Sell your hair.
2. Sell your body/health for medical research trials
3. Sell gold you have in your home/tooth.

I have heard of the selling your hair thing before. What the article on CNN leaves out is that you have to take super good care of your hair to sell it. No blow-drying it, no hair coloring, regular trims and so on.

Where was blogging/web site tinkering on this list?

Oh wait – that takes work, I forgot. If you look at the list it is clearly for the lazy for the most part. And when you look at #2 I am tempted to also say the list is for the stupid. Think about it – drug companies pay you to test meds that they aren’t even sure are safe for everyone else.

If you are in the US and voting today you might be wondering what time the polls close in your area. Or if you are just a politics junkie you might be wondering when to start watching CNN for those results tonight.

For states that have more than one time zone there are different poll closing times by region.

List of poll closing times:

6:00 P.M. EST

Indiana (most of state)
Kentucky (eastern portion)

7:00 P.M. EST

Florida (most of state)
Georgia
Indiana (western regions)
Kentucky (western portion)
South Carolina
Vermont
Virginia

7:30 P.M. EST

North Carolina
Ohio
West Virginia

8:00 P.M. EST

Alabama
Connecticut
Delaware
District of Columbia
Florida (western panhandle)
Illinois
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan (most of state)
Mississippi
Missouri
New Hampshire
New Jersey
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
South Dakota (eastern region)
Tennessee
Texas (most of state)

8:30 P.M. EST

Arkansas

9:00 P.M. EST

Arizona
Colorado
Kansas
Louisiana
Michigan (small portion of Upper Peninsula)
Minnesota
Nebraska
New Mexico
New York
Rhode Island
South Dakota (western region)
Texas (El Paso area)
Wisconsin
Wyoming

10:00 P.M. EST

Idaho (southern region)
Iowa
Montana
Nevada
North Dakota (eastern region)
Oregon (eastern region)
Utah

11:00 P.M. EST (8:00 P.M. Pacific)

California
Hawaii
Idaho (northern panhandle)
North Dakota (western region)
Oregon (most of state)
Washington state

MIDNIGHT EST

Alaska (most of state)

1:00 A.M. EST WEDNESDAY

Alaska (Aleutian Islands)

In a highly expected move, the Federal Reserve just cut the rate by a half-percentage point. That brings it down to 1%.

Those of you (like us Bumblefucks) that have a lot of credit card debt should rejoice for a moment. This means that your interest rate will drop a half point. Hooray!

Those of you with money in high yield savings accounts (like ING) are likely weeping. Because that interest you are earning will be trimmed as well. And I am sure that ING will be the first to cut it, as they always are.

If you are interested in reading the Fed’s statement (why?) you can find it on CNN Money.

I know that there have been a lot of people out there expecting a stimulus check that has never shown up in their mailbox. Well, good news! That overdue stimulus check is on the way!

But here is the catch – checks are going out for married people that had not gotten them. In fact, 260,000 married taxpayers whose names did not match Social Security number will be getting their stimulus check.

More info on Yahoo News.

I love stupid people that don’t think that pennies spend just as good as the rest of their money. Really, I do. Here in Los Angeles there are even people that throw away quarters! Yes, it’s true! Twice last week I found quarters in parking lots. Made my heart skip a beat with glee.

Today I discovered that some schmuck that lives on our floor must not be affected by the crappy economy. How do I know this? Pennies! Pennies everywhere in the hallway! I found them walking towards the garage. Of course I scooped them all up and put them in my pockets. Then I asked Riley, who had been walking ahead of me, why she didn’t pick them up. Apparently if you are carrying stinky trash that you are taking to the trash chute you can’t bend over for a few pennies. Hrmph.

photo: smackfu

My parents live outside of Nashville, TN. If you have seen any news over the weekend then you know that gas stations in the Nashville area actually ran out of gas on Friday. If you are wondering how bad it is, then listen up. I just talked to my mom today and she wanted to know if I had heard about it. Here’s the scoop of what it’s like in Nashville right now.

On Friday evening when my mom got off work, traffic on White Bridge Road was backed up from the corner of White Bridge and Charlotte all the way to the Target. Apparently there was a Shell station on the corner there that had some gas. In case that means nothing to you, I have done a little Google Map of it below. It is only about 1.5 miles. The “b” is where the Target is located and the “a” is where the Shell station is.

Apparently all of the suburbs in the Nashville area are out of gas as well. My dad was at work in LaVergne, TN and did not have enough gas to make it home. All of the stations in LaVergne were out of gas. BUT – there was a rumor that a station in Smyrna had some gas. So, my dad drove in the opposite direction of home where he waited in line for 45 minutes to get gas. AND – the cops were everywhere at the gas station with their guns out!

On his way home he apparently saw people stranded on the side of the road all over the place. It seems the news is saying that people are needing gas and driving from station to station looking for some and actually running out of gas before they find any!

On Saturday morning my mom said the Shell station by the interstate (they live 25 miles west of Nashville) actually had gas and there were tons of people waiting to get it. By noon all of the gas was gone!

So, why is there such a run on gas in Nashville? Apparently there are idiots that are heading out to the stations that have gas to “top off” their tanks as they are afraid if they don’t then they too will run out of gas. Clearly no one let them know that the rest of the country is doing just fine and that there is plenty of gas.

My mom works in Nashville and had only a quarter of a tank when she left work on Friday. I asked her what she was going to do about work tomorrow. If the local place doesn’t have gas she just plans on missing work until they get some. It’s not that serious to her.

Me? I asked if they had gas up near the state line in Kentucky as it is not that far of a drive and if you are on I-65 then you know that the gas is always uber cheap right after you cross the state line (exit #6). After watching “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” this week I was thinking they should drive up there with a lot of gas cans and get some gas to bring back and sell to everyone else. But, she didn’t know the status on the state line gas stations in Kentucky.

The Bumblefucked household just completed a cross country move. And now it is time to replace items that were tossed instead of packed. Cookware was one of the things that was tossed.

So, yesterday we headed out in search of some shiny new stainless steel pots and pan. And boy did we hit pay dirt! And it was in the most surprising of places – Kohl’s.

Kohls is having some big end of summer clearance sale right now – 60% off sale prices! We got a $279.99 set of Kitchen Aid Stainless Steel Cookware for only $79.99. Booyah. If you check the link you will see that it is still normal priced on their website. So if you are in need of some new cookware you should jump on this deal. We price shopped at all sorts of places (Ikea, Big Lots, Target, Wal-Mart) before finding this awesome deal.

The Bumblefucked household is on the move. Our apartment lease is up on the 24th and that means our rent payment of $625 has gone bye-bye.

But we don’t know where we’re going!

We’re spending two weeks staying with family in the area. Then we will spend at least one more week with another family member. Free rent rocks. But with the instability of no permanent home comes unemployment. So free rent doesn’t mean much if you’re not employed.

So, the Bumblefucked household has gotta make a move to a town that’s right for us. Clearly, I am thinking Funkytown. Sadly, when I go to Google maps and ask for directions to Funkytown I do not get anything! I thought it might take me to Detroit ( you know, Motown is kind of like Funkytown).

So, if you are making a move to a new state or city, how do you find a place that is right for you? Do you look for a job first and then just move to that place? Or do you pick a place first and then hope you can find employment in paradise?

In the past, we have just picked a place, moved there and crossed our fingers for employment. However, the economy is a horse of a different color these days, so to just pick a place and move without some economic consideration would just make you an assclown.

The Bumblefucked Guide to Moving to a New State or City in a Bumblefucked Economy:

Step one, consider for a moment where you would like to move to if a crappy economy was not a factor. Make a list of at least five of these places.

Step two, for the five places you got in step one, research the cost of living for each one. Look up the cost of housing to get a ballpark estimate of what you would spend. See if the states have state income taxes. Look for the state sales tax rate and see if there is a sales tax charged on food. Come up with a monthly amount you think it would cost you to live in each place.

Step three, go to PaycheckCity.com and plug in amounts for each state you are researching to see how much you would need to make pre-tax to afford the monthly total you came up with in step two. This way you will see how much will come out for state income taxes and whatnot. I find it the easiest to use an hourly amount and use the “basic hourly paycheck calculator” for this exercise.

Step four, look at the salary amount you came up with for each state in step three. Be realistic and decide if you can actually get paid that amount with your work history and qualifications. If not, cross those places off your list.

Step five, if no places are left on your list then go back to step one and repeat this process with five new places. If you do have places left, it is time to look at the economy in those states or cities.  You can find this info on the US Department of Labor website (assuming you are in the US).

Step six, after looking at the local and metropolitan area unemployment statistics, cross off any places that have unemployment higher than the national average. If you have no places left after this, return to step one and repeat process with five new places.  If you have only one place left, this is your winner! If you have more than one place left, continue to step seven.

Step seven, time to narrow down the pack! If possible, try to visit the remaining places on your list to pick the best place for you. Or, do your “visiting” online by visiting message boards and websites about the places you have left.  Then, you can use the info you have just gotten to make an informed decision with the remaining contenders.

I firmly believe that people will buy just about anything on eBay. I know this because I have sold some pretty random stuff on eBay myself in the past. But selling your debt on eBay – that really takes the cake. In case you missed it, someone in Pennsylvania apparently also thinks that people will buy anything on eBay and is trying to sell $103,245.11 of debt. So if you are debt free or only, say $10,000 in debt, and want to up those numbers, now is your chance to be over $100K in debt!

And just what is this debt made up of? Well, according to the auction:

• $48,815.56 Large part of home loan
• $12,439.49 2nd part to home loan
• $12,692.22 Student loan
• $11,840.03 2nd student loan
• $3,204.36 Credit card husbands
• $292.71 Credit card self
• $4,744.88 Personal loan home improvements
• $9,215.86 Ford Focus 2004
• Total= $103,245.11

The auction even says that you can take the house and the car if you want. But you do not have to. How gracious. No word yet though on if you get to take possession of all the crap she has been buying on eBay the past few months, as evidenced from her feedback profile.